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Somewhere else needs protection

August 5, 2006

During one of my inevitable visits to the office loo, I decided to take it on my own to survey the toilet habits of my fellow office mates (also due to lack of proper reading material in the stall).

Here are the results of my survey (based on audible clues):

  • 2 out of 5 people do not wash their hands after doing the pee pee
  • 2 out of 3 people who do wash their hands after doing the pee pee do not use soap
  • 1 out of 5 people spend an usually long time in front of the mirror after doing the pee pee
  • 1 out of 1 person sighs in relief after laying the log
  • It is impossible to not wet the floor unless you don’t wash after the shizzle.
  • Additional observation not part of this survey but of worthy mention: Some of my officemates can actually hold entire phone conversations in the toilet

Note: This survey was conducted in the male toilet. Approval still pending for surveys in the female toilet.

Conclusion: I now view my office like Monk does. Door knobs, keyboards, handshakes. I recommend using protection of the latex kind. Gloves. Finger condoms. Yes. Really. I’ll be the one laughing at you when you contract STD from a door knob.

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